Between Years – Between Worlds

Basic

Drinking coffee in the morning. Back to Sao Paulo. I am actually not a coffee person but throughout the years I drink it more and more.

2016 was an interesting year, difficult, rich, funny, moving forward in small steps. I have spent the last days of 2016 in Svib, Croatia, with my mother and grandmother. Even the father, who is a good friend of our family, was with us on New Year’s Eve. Oh! But I am not supposed to tell you that. He is worried about local gossip. And he is right because gossipping is a very common human trait, unfortunately.

I came back to Brazil two days ago and I am not really being myself. These two worlds, winter in Svib with my family, the place where I lived from the age of 1,5 years to when I was almost five, and Sao Paulo, the biggest city in Brazil, in South America, as the song from Caetano Veloso says. My husband made me a CD before we got together. This song was on it – the version interpreted by Mutantes. It was introducing my future. I am listening to it right now. How did life go?

During my trips, I always meet friends and family, somehow mostly different parts of my past and also present, since we keep in touch. With some people I see how they move forward and develop into a good direction. I also meet people who are imprisoned in their lives and ideals given by their society, by their surroundings.  I am a fan of simple lifestyle but on the other hand, when looking at those simple dreams, such as constructing a house for your family or looking forward to your retirement at the age of 65, I find it too few to be happy with.

I have also met a person whom I had completely misjudged before. A friend of my aunt’s. She seemed so calm and nice the first time we met. As I figured out by myself, she was recovering from a surgery by then and that was maybe the reason. When we met this time upon an invitation of hers, I found that she was very loud, hyperactive and nervous while spreading confusing ideas about the world. She originally comes from a simple family, got a college education in the sixties, which was still not common for women by then, and had a quite nice career, being actually a feminist of her time. Her second husband, with whom she lived, was also a very successful person, coming actually from a well-off family. In our conversations, he was generally very aware of things happening in his surrounding while she just spoke out loud the first thing that came to her mind, not realizing that she  was a bit insulting with her “well-intentioned” ideas every now and then.

Sometimes I just wonder about the friends my aunt had. Were they actually really helpful or were they faking it all? But sometimes we just take what we get when we are in need, I guess. Forming deep friendships also isn’t a strength in my family, at least when talking about the generation before mine. My grandma made sure that they would be all scared of talking to others, she herself being afraid of gossip in the village at the time.

Now we’re in 2017, a new year, a forced switch that gives us the chance to change something in our lives. I am not really sure what that means for me. 2017, what would I want? Time to be creative, less time to worry, more time with close friends, seeing my mum again, living together with my husband, maybe a dog. Bella, our dog in Svib, got kind of interested in hunting dogs. She is so beautiful. I hope she chooses a beautiful black , long furred mountain shepherd and not a silly boar hunter. Let’s see!

A hug to you all!

Kika

 

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