Let’s talk about problems, baby!

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Yes! Problems! Something we like to hide from family and even from friends. We don’t want anybody to worry about us and we might think, we’ll get this straight by ourselves. Also, we fear we might overload the other. When a friend comes to me and tells me about their problem, I feel a bit helpless because I would like to take all that bothers the other away in a minute, but I can’t. I think at least a day intensively about my friend’s problem.

Some of us have less problems and some others have more, depending on lifestyle, circumstances and communication skills.

Some of you might feel like me and see the same problems appearing again and again, just like circles of which we can’t get out.

I’ve tried almost everything. At first, I tried to point them out and explain myself, then I tried to see myself as the cause of the problem, then I started fighting against and I have recently also tried laissez-faire. Nothing of it really works in the long term.

So, tonight I decided to turn the wheel completely around, to finally move out of that old, smelly circle.

From now on I will try to be better prepared when the problem stops by again. I will be more thoughtful considering my words and actions and I will also be more consequent. Said and done! Actions have consequences.

I will stop to see myself as the victim and I also won’t allow anybody to point me out as the cause of the problem.

I will try to communicate much clearer my observations and needs.

Guess, this is it for now! xoxo

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The importance of going your own way OR It’s good to say goodbye to your parents

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When I was 17, I moved out the first time. I moved to another city to attend acting school. I admit, that was a bit too early and it was financially hard for me. But the experience I made that year (I moved back 7 months later) was absolutely worth it. Learning how to live in a big city, getting a job, learning about how to protect myself and especially learning from other people’s experience. I grew so much! The second time I moved out, I was 21. This time I would live by myself for 8 years. Actually some years later, my mum moved in with me. It was a very rich time and I became extremely independent and learned to trust people. Working in very different places, I got a pretty good idea about what work means to people. I grew and grew and grew. I moved in with my mother at the age of 28 1/2, my last year at university, very little time to work beside writing my thesis and preparing for the tests. It was a great time. We were sharing as adults.

Now, I still have a good contact with my mother and with some uncles, aunts and cousins. But I have my own life, far over the ocean. I have lived in two other countries in my adult life and I am happy about having taken these opportunities to grow and to figure out (still in the process) of what matters in life. I don’t come from a wealthy family and I managed it.

I am writing this article for those, who are extremely integrated into their families and give up on ideas or dreams that would lead them apart. Parents, who don’t support your ideas and don’t kick you out of the nest, miss an important point: our life is short and we need to develop ourselves in order to be able to really care about and take care of others. If we don’t learn to do what we really want, we won’t become truly successful. Many might even become frustrated and distract themselves by analyzing only other people’s problems.

If you are in your twenties and haven’t left your parents or your country yet, please, ask yourself some questions and find out, if what holds you back are actually realistic reasons.

It is so important to stand on your own feet and go for your own goals, even if you don’t always achieve them, but you’ve got to try!

 

Between Years – Between Worlds

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Drinking coffee in the morning. Back to Sao Paulo. I am actually not a coffee person but throughout the years I drink it more and more.

2016 was an interesting year, difficult, rich, funny, moving forward in small steps. I have spent the last days of 2016 in Svib, Croatia, with my mother and grandmother. Even the father, who is a good friend of our family, was with us on New Year’s Eve. Oh! But I am not supposed to tell you that. He is worried about local gossip. And he is right because gossipping is a very common human trait, unfortunately.

I came back to Brazil two days ago and I am not really being myself. These two worlds, winter in Svib with my family, the place where I lived from the age of 1,5 years to when I was almost five, and Sao Paulo, the biggest city in Brazil, in South America, as the song from Caetano Veloso says. My husband made me a CD before we got together. This song was on it – the version interpreted by Mutantes. It was introducing my future. I am listening to it right now. How did life go?

During my trips, I always meet friends and family, somehow mostly different parts of my past and also present, since we keep in touch. With some people I see how they move forward and develop into a good direction. I also meet people who are imprisoned in their lives and ideals given by their society, by their surroundings.  I am a fan of simple lifestyle but on the other hand, when looking at those simple dreams, such as constructing a house for your family or looking forward to your retirement at the age of 65, I find it too few to be happy with.

I have also met a person whom I had completely misjudged before. A friend of my aunt’s. She seemed so calm and nice the first time we met. As I figured out by myself, she was recovering from a surgery by then and that was maybe the reason. When we met this time upon an invitation of hers, I found that she was very loud, hyperactive and nervous while spreading confusing ideas about the world. She originally comes from a simple family, got a college education in the sixties, which was still not common for women by then, and had a quite nice career, being actually a feminist of her time. Her second husband, with whom she lived, was also a very successful person, coming actually from a well-off family. In our conversations, he was generally very aware of things happening in his surrounding while she just spoke out loud the first thing that came to her mind, not realizing that she  was a bit insulting with her “well-intentioned” ideas every now and then.

Sometimes I just wonder about the friends my aunt had. Were they actually really helpful or were they faking it all? But sometimes we just take what we get when we are in need, I guess. Forming deep friendships also isn’t a strength in my family, at least when talking about the generation before mine. My grandma made sure that they would be all scared of talking to others, she herself being afraid of gossip in the village at the time.

Now we’re in 2017, a new year, a forced switch that gives us the chance to change something in our lives. I am not really sure what that means for me. 2017, what would I want? Time to be creative, less time to worry, more time with close friends, seeing my mum again, living together with my husband, maybe a dog. Bella, our dog in Svib, got kind of interested in hunting dogs. She is so beautiful. I hope she chooses a beautiful black , long furred mountain shepherd and not a silly boar hunter. Let’s see!

A hug to you all!

Kika

 

After the Games

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Well, I don’t think that I will close I got Daisies so soon. Sometimes it is just better and easier to write. Four weeks of work on the Olympic Games are over. Today is my first day off. Well, I had one day off before the Games started. I don’t want to go into political details but all in all I have learned even more about the structures behind such huge events and how unsportsmanlike they really are. And when you talk to people about it, it looks like there are plenty of great ideas in the world of how to make things better, the only problem is, that these might not be economically profitable in the short term, so there won’t be anyone who would listen to people’s ideas.

My body somehow feels tired even though the tasks were not really difficult. I guess it is the thing with working every day non-stop that makes you feel fatigue.

Well, and to those who know how to read Portuguese: My book “Sete dias em busca da brasilidade” finally came out. You can find the print version and the digital version on any Amazon worldwide. So far I had no time to think about any marketing strategy and somehow I wish that things would just move by themselves and do and struggle and get through all by themselves.

I will stay here in Rio these days. While I am living in beautiful Méier while working, I am staying at Copacabana for a couple of days. My plans are relaxing at the beach and in the greenery. No big deal! Only my sweetheart and me! For a whole weekend! We need that!

Now I am hungry and I’ll head down the street to eat at one of the nicest bakeries in Rio: Estação do Pão! Cariocas (as people from Rio de Janeiro are called) are really good at pastries!

Have a lovely day! “Yaaaawn!”

Why is it so difficult to be just nice?

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Sometimes I really feel lost in this world and I really don’t understand why some people cross limits or are purposely mean? I am no angel either, but I have tried to work on myself since being a kid to become a friendly person. It does not mean that I am pampering all the people in my life but I try to make them feel good when we are together. When someone then comes into my life with a more drastic view on reality, I need a day to understand their words or behavior. I always try to see the best in a person and of all possible explanations possible, I choose to believe in the least mean one. Not guilty until proven!And then I fail to see the proofs. Recently one or two people have told me that I am pretty naive but I define it more as a need to be positive and to avoid judging someone wrongly. What shall I do with this world?

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Daisies for your soul

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I got a lot of daisies these weeks. I had the chance to meet some of my friends from old days when I was living and studying in Heidelberg. I could see how their lives had developed and there is no judging. Even though all of us are facing some troubles, life shows us even more happiness in return, if we want to. So, after coming back to Brazil two weeks ago, my stroke of luck continued. I had some lovely chats with friends, found people who really want to help me with my book which is so overdue by now and I can only be happy if I manage to launch it before the Olympics and I started to see clearer the source of my struggles. I will probably never lead what is considered a normal life but I don’t really mind, either.

So, pick your daisies, smile and share!

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My Dreamcatcher

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I received a mysterious but nice present to my Croatian address: a dreamcatcher.  I don’t have the slightest idea who the presenter might have been.  But the present is good,  it is already hanging on my window to protect my sleep from bad dreams.

Throughout the years,  no matter the address, I have received or found some other nice mysterious presents and of course I am sure that this is all a pure coincidence.  Life simply likes me and decides to motivate me with those little surprises.

When I was young,  I used to talk to all kinds of different people from all over the world with all kinds of believes.  In the end of our coincidental encounters, they would often give me a special possession of theirs (objects used to pray,  postcards and photographs, a piece of fabric they liked, books,…), which would then make me see how
good the world is.

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Tough Day!

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Wow! What a tough day! Thanks to the blogger community I found the right answer to my long day! Getting up at six in the morning, finishing the last really lovely class just at 9.30 pm. Did some of the “wait for better times To Dos” in my breaks inbetween and have been confronted with a big ethical issue, too. But well! “Be inspired..!!” just posted these words and I found them great, so here’s the post and a link to the original blog.

“Change is painful, but inevitable. Sometimes you won’t understand what’s happening, you may think things are not meant to be. You may feel dejected, sad. But STOP!! Stop being miserable, stop giving up. Don’t back down. You are at the dawn of a new lesson in your life. Keep working, don’t stop. Scared of something? Face it with your head held high.”

https://empress2inspire.wordpress.com/2016/04/13/tough-day-dont-you-dare-give-up/

And all of this reminds me of this great song of my early teenage years, thanks to my aunt Bianka!

 

The Benefits of Having a Pet – Miaow Miaow

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About six weeks ago I became the aunt of a cat called Kikinha and it is lovely. I am her auntie for a limited time only, taking care of her while my student is travelling. Since I have her I sleep much less, and yes: Cats and sofas – they attract each other ‘_’! And yet, it is all worth it.

1st Benefit: Fluffy fur! Cats are so fluffy! When I cuddle with a cat I feel like in heaven. I even had an allergy to cats but my body managed to adapt.

2nd Benefit: Her purr! This sound is the most positive feedback another being can give you! Burrrr!

3rd Benefit: Whenever you get home and there is always someone in a good mood welcoming you!

4th Benefit: She likes being close to you (but she chooses when). Aww ^^!

5th Benefit: She hunts everything that moves around. Haven’t seen a cockroach entering the house in a long time.

I had two cats before Kikinha and I purposely didn’t get myself a pet right now. My life is full of changes, be it moving places, working in another city, travelling abroad, visits over the weekend. All this makes it impossible to take care of someone for fifteen or more years. A pet is like a baby in some way. It depends on you. You are its family. And you will grow old with it. I am 35 now. Would I get a pet, there would certainly come a time to say good bye. By then I would have plenty of wrinkles and almost my all of my hair would have turned gray. You don’t have to be as afraid of responsibility as I am. And maybe one day I won’t be afraid any longer, either.

Kika and Kikinha!

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Time for the nice stuff

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Inspired by a short story I read with a student last week about an old lady and her beans, I decided to write a positive post in her honor. So, the story was like this: everybody in a village admired an old lady who was always smiling happily. In order to discover her secret they went to her house for some tea and asked her straight. She then said, that there is no real recipe for happiness. But she had her beans. Every morning she would leave her house with a couple of beans in her left trouser pocket and for every good thing that happened, she would move a bean from her left pocket into her right and in the evening, before falling asleep, she would look at all those beans and remember all the good stuff that had happened during the day.

Here are some of my beans from today:

First bean:

I had a highly motivated student starting his online class at eight on a Monday morning.  Wow!  He really wants to learn.  He is from Belo Horizonte and has a baby daughter.

Second bean:

I met my friend Nele online for the first time after he had left Brazil two weeks ago and his Portuguese is advancing fast. Also he is very motivated to get back to SP soon.

Third bean:

I had Sushi for lunch. Even after becoming a vegetarian again, I allow myself some fish from time to time. All in all, I am more than happy to be part of the veggie world again.

Fourth bean:

My friend Johnine wrote me today and we are going to meet each other soon in a marvellous Bavarian village. We met in 2011 the last time and before that our last encounter was somewhen in 2006. How time flies.

Fifth bean:

I learned from my classes. A teenage student of mine had to prepare a short presentation on polar bears. Amazing creatures! Heavy creatures! You wouldn’t want to lie underneath one. Female polar bears delay their pregnancy about six month in order to protect themselves from starving. In my last class today a male student of mine and me were listening to the benefits of gardening. I really should get my fingers dirty more often.

Sixth bean:

I discovered a new Brazilian singer with very powerful and female lyrics, Tulipa Ruiz. Just liked it. Even her weird songs. She is just so honest!

Here one of her songs: