When I was a little girl I wanted to become a …


When I turned five, I moved to Germany to a small town near Cologne. There my mother was working in a restaurant within a commercial center. Very often I would visit her and we’d go to the bakery, where I would usually get a milk roll or a Wackemann if it was winter. At the photographer we would take photos every now and then. But the nicest shop was the flower shop.

The first time I entered, I was amazed by the sweet smell. The flower seller was a young woman in her twenties and she was very beautiful. That was when I wished to be a flower seller once I grew up. The combination of everything I saw was creating an inviting harmony. I gave up on my dream the day my mum told me that I would have to go to school much longer and do my A levels to become a flower seller. Of course, that wasn’t true. But imagining at that time of my life that school would go on like forever, was very scary to me.

So, I moved on at the age of six and a half to my next professional aspiration: becoming an actress. But that’s another story.


The Unforeseeable Makes a Story to Tell


Have you ever been really pissed on a trip? Something happened and made you think: “What the hell?” Well, I just thought back to some of our stories and how we laugh about them every time we tell them, even if we wanted to make someone pay for it the time the event occurred.

Like, there was this time when my mum and me were in Rome. We rented a small place in the center. The thing was, it had a special security door I had never seen in my entire life. That door was so secure that we once locked ourselves in. Oh no! Damn it! Turning the key back and forth and nothing worked.

And by then I had no mobile Wifi abroad. So I could not really reach the landlord to ask for help. I got the idea to open the window and try to find someone willing to help us opening the door from outside. Now, it was a very lonesome, narrow street. And by the way, I do not speak Italian. I speak Portuguese but know how Italian sounds and have a slight idea of word-endings.

So, the first two passersbys  must have thought that we were trying to set them up. My Italian was like: Hello! We in room! Door! (showing the key), not open. You door (making signs for the person to walk upstairs). Only after twenty minutes, the third person, who was a lady in her 50ies, showed her goodwill, accepted the keys and walked up to the first floor to save us. Lucky us! The day trip could start!

Another funny story is when I booked a trip to the Black Forest (Schwarzwald) for my aunt and mum. I thought: “These girls really need to relax.” Through the internet, I found a charming place in the middle of nowhere. Well! It was winter, freezing cold, and the place had no functioning heater. There was only one restaurant and it was obviously uncommon for two women to walk in, drink beer and smoke cigarettes. They were relaxing actually by being confronted with a new culture in the country they had already been living in for three decades. Anyway, one afternoon they decided to walk up the mountain and drink a glass of wine when reaching the peak. Which is what they did. Not considering that after drinking the wine, it would already be dark. Feeling drunk and happy they walked down the mountain, could not identify the right path anymore and after an hour of being lost, they finally got help from a confused forest ranger who crossed their way. Lucky them!

These are the stories we tell each other when we get together. “And do you remember the time when we …?”. Do you have such stories to tell? If yes, please comment!



But I tried


When walking uphill this morning I remembered this scene from the movie One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest where McMurphy is trying to lift a heavy sink  to throw it out of the window and to leave the loony bin with his fellows.

And of course the stone sink is too heavy and he can’t. In the end he says: But I tried.

In my life I had many small and big wishes. And sometimes something worked out and sometimes it did not. But the most important thing is, that I tried. Only when you try to go for your goals will you find out if they were for you.

This is true for studies, jobs, relationships, moves and anything that brings change into your life. Don’t be passive and don’t accept what others have in mind for you. If you want to be an actor, an architect, walk the Tibetan Plateau or move to Fordwich in England, whatever it might be, you should always try. You have a good chance that things will work out. And if not, you can still say: “But I tried, damn it. At least I did that” and make peace with life.



Stars above Svib


I won’t be able to show you their full beauty even though I bought a super nice bridge camera this week but I think I can tell you about them.

So,  in the sky they shine
Reflecting all the light and life of our universe
And of our little village.

I once heard that our population is counted by the number of chimneys
And that would make 300.
But in fact only half of them still live here. The others went new old ways.

I found it funny and sad to see a sign
Warning about old people crossing the road.  Usually those signs show school kids.

The school here is almost closed.

There is still our mountain.  It invites us for some rest.  Every day,  every hour.

And the stars
They reflect our thoughts
Our dreams and hopes
Generations trusting in the power of light
The wish to get out
And the desire to come back one day,  differently.


Ostala li uvjek ista – You’re still the same


Why do I love the singer Mišo Kovač? Because he is just great! It was the first pop music I have listened to by choice. I was three years old and knew exactly where his tape was. He has always meant a lot to me. His songs, even if many were not written by himself, have great lyrics. Typical sad songs from Dalmatia.

I even once met him in person and had the honor to interview him! Wow! I talked to Mišo Kovač in 2006 and I danced at the pool. He sings how I feel.

Friends are treasures


You may change cities, jobs or even countries as I did. Sometimes we even change our partners and maybe even our gender. But friends are friends, they are there, they stay part of your life, if you want them to. Your biggest treasure. Friends are always there with an open ear. Recently I talked to some of my new friends and I am in touch again with some of my old friends, who I’ll visit soon, at least some of them.

This morning my students and me were talking about how to improve communication, how to be better listened to. Sometimes we talk to people who are against us for whatever reasons that might be. People probably gossip about you and judge you. Real friends though just listen and when they have something good to share with you, they will, but they will not impose their opinion on you. Facts are facts, opinions are opinions and hints are simply life experience.

Thank you my sweet friends, from all over this small wide wild world!



Don’t pay too much attention to your fears

Leisure, Memories

Sometimes when we feel something is not right in us and when fear comes up while we are discovering the roots, we maybe only need to lean back and just look at the situation from the far. Don’t take your fear too serious and look at it from the outside. You then might learn how to deal with it, reduce it and maybe make it disappear very fast. Of course, doing this on a happy and sunny afternoon helps. Go to the park, lay down on a blanket and look at the sky.



The line at which the earth’s surface and the sky appear to meet

  • Horizon!

São Paulo is a very interesting city, especially when you live in Vila Madalena you can feel the power of coincidence meeting creativity and opening new unknown doors to the world for you, something I imagine you can feel this same thing in cities like Berlin, London or Shanghai. But you know, sometimes I really miss seeing the horizon.


The problem with money


The first title for this that  came to my mind about 62 seconds ago was “Things should be free” but then I refrained. Actually, we still live in a world where everybody needs to make some money and where people feel useless unless they got a contract telling them how much they are worth per month.

I need to earn money, not in order to have a luxurious life, but to be able to cope with my social responsibilities and fulfil some of my dreams. But since little, I knew how wrong this system and teaching is. I was lucky to have met super teachers along my life, who just by being themselves, taught me so much. There were real teachers such as Mr. Eickhoff, Mrs. Abernethy, Mr. Vilimek, Mr, Storck, Mrs. Eder and many others, who’s names don’t come back that fast. There were life teachers, such as Benderpelz, Sarah, my first boyfriend Sascha, Goethe (even if dead), Angie, Jasmin, Nobi, Verena La Mela, Mrs. Mittler, my Sweetheart and many others I just can’t remember that fast.

Even before having studied ethics, religion or philosophy the concepts of life were simply clear, just like, when you let qa child be a child and treat it well, it just might find out itself about right and wrong. So, sometimes I am criticized a bit for not being competitive enough. And then always this memory of my first school competition was in my mind and I still think I reacted right.

We were eight years old and supposed to run our first kilometer on time. I was much taller than the other girls, so I started and there I ran in the first place. But I found it so boring to be there in the first place and when I looked around I saw this girl (this is a true story) who had real difficulties and was struggling to run. Of course, it is sad that a seven year old kid is overweight because at that age you should be more outside than inside. Anyway! i saw this girl and I wanted to start a friendship. I started falling back until I reached her and then I automatically started motivating her, what the teacher should have actually done, right? We both ended up being last, but she made her first kilometer. That was so important to me. I really did not understand why the teacher criticised me for a second for letting go. And I am in this struggle between what the world wants me to do and what I believe is right, and as many other this struggle simply will go on until the end of this life.

The girl I helped, went to another class, and our friendship only lasted those eight minutes. Now I wonder, whether she remembers this story, too.

Oh, what has it got to do with money? It’s all got to do with money!