It’s been a while …

Observations

My life was rather complicated and somehow uncomplicated the last months. I have spent a lot of energy thinking about my relationship, my professional life and if there is anything waiting for me in the future.

I figured that no matter what, you can’t forget to look after yourself. Your personal health is something to pay attention to. Don’t wait too long to see a doctor when you feel that something isn’t right. Don’t blame yourself in case that there really isn’t something right and focus on solving the problem. Bit by bit!

When stepping into society, we can see how we are all looking for something to believe in, something that shows us the way but maybe all this does not lie around outside. Maybe looking a little deeper and nicer inside yourself will give you the answers you need.

Some of the questions I have been dealing with were:

  • Do I feel enough?

My mentor told me, that he’d like me to connect better with my feelings. I started getting back to small meditations during the day. I thought that that might help but then I saw that my problem is probably not being unable to feel, but sometimes not being able to express what I feel, neither in words nor in physical states. Not knowing how to describe your feelings is not a big deal. Actually I think that feelings are all so interwoven and complex that humanity still has no vocabulary for that. Not showing feelings too much has to do with self protection or even protecting the other. Besides that, it is something that comes from our family culture, it is something we might have learned.

  • Is my relationship happy enough?

Dreamer, as I am, I imagine relationships to be like in romantic B&W movies but the truth is, that sometimes you can be in a relationship where both parts love each other but it’s not always a loving relationship. And that’s where you have to take a step back. That step can manifest itself in different forms, such as taking a break, going to couples therapy, studying yourself and human behavior, and other solutions. Taking a step back showed me and my partner, that things were not OK the way they were going. We couldn’t just be another couple stuck in a relationship and treating the other as if they were no human being. After working things out a bit, the way you live your relationship might improve a lot.

  • Am I taking the right steps to be fulfilled?

That’s something I am definitely not clear about. The whole world has always been a construct to me and reading Sapiens just confirmed that again. We’re all just playing in our own versions of reality. So, do I have the same measures of success and fulfillment as the people around me? It’s like, even if you see through all these things, they still sometimes draw you in and you might feel a bit like you haven’t made it, no matter the model you compare yourself with.

  • What actually would fulfill me?

Still working on answering that. Since life is unpredictable, there is not much we can do about it. We can imagine having a long life span and plenty of time. What’s important in this life for you? What do you want to do with your time and who should be in your life? There is this five year exercise, which is promising to achieve your goals within only five years. But then again, what would be the right goals to visualize, so that you don’t get stuck in another dilemma? So, I am feeling good right now having ideas and working on them, trying out new things. It just feels like that they lead to nothing more than personal fulfillment right at that moment. But is that so wrong?

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Pacing in the same spot for a long time

Observations

Image result for Atsuko Tanaka sand

Looks like my last post made the round and I have seen some people trying the Facebook diet. Suddenly you are much more aware of the overflow of information. But my topic today is another one.

“Pacing in the same spot for a long time! was what artist Atsuko Tanaka thought when she draw her circles into the sand of the beach on Awaji Island in the 60ies. And I guess we all can transfer this idea into our own lives. I feel like pacing at the same spot for a long time, like in many areas I am just not really moving forward and there are days where I am good with that because I see how everything is nothing but a mere construct we have all built up together but on some other days I miss someone giving me a challenge. Again on other days i feel like I am over challenging myself.

What seems to help is to go through my possessions and get rid of some of them. Gives me the feeling of a partly liberation because it is the attachment to things, people, places, moments and even ideas that keeps us from moving wherever we want to move.

I am going to donate some of my art books to the Japan House in Sao Paulo, so that some others can make sense out of them.

Kika

 

 

 

 

The 5-Day Zero Facebook Diet 

Observations

Yes, this diet might help your brain to recover from the overload of unwanted (or wanted?) information.

I did it – I survived it.

I took the decision super spontaneously when drinking a beer at the Galeria 540 and grabbing my cell phone to check if there were any updates in the world that would keep me busy for the next 30 seconds when the conversation around me got stuck. The moment I caught myself doing that, I knew I could need a Facebook Diet. An I was aware of the fact, that this was nothing to think about for too long, because I could have changed my mind easily during the process. Open Facebook – log out – Live with all the consequences.

 

The 5-Day 0-Facebook
The first day:

I received a couple of message advices from Facebook and was tagged in a post. It was a tiny little bit tempting to think about accessing my site to see if I really wasn’t missing any big events. But then I convinced myself that whatever it was that I would miss, it just couldn’t be that significant. And if there was anything really important, people would easily find a way to contact me in other ways.

The other days:

Didn’t miss accessing Facebook that much and I am already thinking about a more radical diet the next time, including Instagram and LinkedIn.

I realized throughout the last weeks that my online behavior had changed. I was sometimes only a bit bored for a minute or so, had some time to pass. Like entering the elevator and running down twenty floors or arriving five minutes too early at my students’. A couple of free minutes: what should I do with all the boredom?

Occasionally I read an article of an acquaintance on LinkedIn two weeks ago, who was complaining about smartphones and wanted to get rid of his.

I have not much against smartphones themselves. Yes,they accelerated our lives but in my case, just like in many others, a smartphone is necessary for my job. I can do much more when outside my home office, send quotes, reschedule classes, prepare homework, work on our online marketing, etc. But the article was right about that one point I explained above: filling every free minute with input, forgetting what it means  to be centered inside.

And when I saw this behavior developing in me, I needed to take a break.

The results:

I did not miss anything important.

I am more realistic again about social networking sites.

I had enough time to run some ‘thought processes’  to get some of my own projects back on track and to naturally find solutions to daily issues.

The 5-Day Zero Facebook Diet – You can do it!

Que será será 

Observations

This song came to my mind just when finally heading to bed. What will be, will be. I haven’t thought about this song since 2012 when I performed it in a music school in our neighborhood. 

These days were so full of different projects, actually plenty of creative and fun activities but all in all too much. Also I have had two job interviews at a company that had contacted me which confused me a lot because I wasn’t really looking for a job. And then the anxiety: will I get the job or not? And I am not really sure what makes me feel like this. 

But then this song came to my mind and now I know that this is exactly what I should be thinking. Let life go the way it goes. And thus: go with the flow and don’t think too much. Trying to influence my life too much just makes me tired.

So I am going to hum the melody while falling asleep. 

Hmmm hmmm hm hm hm 

Hmm hm hm hm hm hm hmm

Hmm hm hm hm hmm hm hmm 

Hm hm hmm hm hmm

https://youtu.be/xZbKHDPPrrc