You learn

Observations

Learning is permanent. It is a way of obstacles the deeper we get into something. I have learned so much about human beings in the past year and my path continues. It is unimaginable how complex, similar and still different people are. Some aspects you can group and still each one is a unique set of characteristics.

I guess, I am becoming smarter when it comes to people while still maintaining my positive view on the world and them. I know that each of us has to work on our own stuff, our character and that everybody, if motivated, can become a better version of themselves.

My life in Berlin has calm and intense phases. I don’t go out much anymore to meet new people but I invest more time in the people I know. That feels good and strengthens our bonds.

Friends are extremely important when it comes to our development. Learning to open up, to share information will show you that most people have something to add to your story that might move you forward. Usually this is the case with me. I love the people who get close to me and I am accepting the time life gives us for the past 3 decades, never expecting more than is there.

One of the things I am working on, is to look into the future. This is very difficult for me. I unlearned to think far ahead, to have objectives and even worse, to have dreams. So, it starts with those little dreams. Like the one I wrote about, to pass next winter working in a warm part of the world. And I mention this frequently in front of friends and acquaintances and it becomes more real. All the rest though are mere ideas, sometimes just wishes, sometimes visions I can’t fully grasp.

My mother told me that it was important to have dreams, otherwise you won’t move in life to achieve something. Now, I need to figure out how to define wishes or goals that make sense to me. The last poem reflects a bit this difficulty. I am such a happy single and enjoy being me and learning. But shouldn’t I take care as well? I might get lost along the track, along the years and I see women seeking for something serious while I at my age just live my life. Do I want another serious relationship? Do I want to have children? A shy voice in me says yes, but I don’t want to ever give up on my freedom of choice again.

The freedom of choice is an essence of life, what makes me being me. I am aware of life passing, I have always been. As a five year old I was philosophizing about what consciousness would be like after death.  But the way I deal with this sure end of my physical and conscious being, changes. I am not sad about it anymore. I start preparing for something that will happen hopefully only in decades from now. It makes me live truer and thus more satisfied. Bit by bit. But what again is it with long term goals? How much sense do they make? That is what I have to figure out and learn to balance.

Good night world!

aerial photo of mountain surrounded by fog

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A Simple Gentlemen from Méier

Memories

It was in 2016 that I worked during the Olympic and Paralympic Games and I stayed in the neighborhood of Méier, one of the neighborhoods with less violence in the outskirts of Rio de Janeiro. The shops and stores are simple and regular but one afternoon I passed by a small “empório”, a place where you can find imported beer, wine and other products. This was very unusual for the neighborhood and I saw that once a week they invited a food truck to host an evening with them. So I decided to go there. The place soon became my favorite bar, a place to rest after work while still enjoying the heat of the day. Soon I met Kleber, a local banking accountant who regularly met there with his psychologist after their therapy session. Kleber was around 50, never had traveled abroad, not even to another state, but was such a welcoming person. We frequently met and discussed the world and soon another close friend of his, the lawyer joined us. So you can imagine how funny the evenings were: a banker, a psychologist, a lawyer and a crazy world citizen like me. Even though my friends were much older than me and so different from myself, I enjoyed hanging out with them, because I was greeted with pure honesty and friendship.

I found out about Kleber’s cancer only two months ago. Yesterday our psychologist friend informed me about his demise. All I want to say here is that I found a true gentleman in such a simple place as Méier, who had never traveled abroad, who spoke only his mother tongue, a gentleman of a kind we rarely find in our world today. I want to say thank you for all the nice evenings we had together, all the respect and care I received and I want to remind you, dear readers, that the most special people are sometimes those who pass unnoticed by the majority in our society.

 

 

 

 

Friends are treasures

Memories

You may change cities, jobs or even countries as I did. Sometimes we even change our partners and maybe even our gender. But friends are friends, they are there, they stay part of your life, if you want them to. Your biggest treasure. Friends are always there with an open ear. Recently I talked to some of my new friends and I am in touch again with some of my old friends, who I’ll visit soon, at least some of them.

This morning my students and me were talking about how to improve communication, how to be better listened to. Sometimes we talk to people who are against us for whatever reasons that might be. People probably gossip about you and judge you. Real friends though just listen and when they have something good to share with you, they will, but they will not impose their opinion on you. Facts are facts, opinions are opinions and hints are simply life experience.

Thank you my sweet friends, from all over this small wide wild world!

Kika

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The problem with money

Memories

The first title for this that  came to my mind about 62 seconds ago was “Things should be free” but then I refrained. Actually, we still live in a world where everybody needs to make some money and where people feel useless unless they got a contract telling them how much they are worth per month.

I need to earn money, not in order to have a luxurious life, but to be able to cope with my social responsibilities and fulfil some of my dreams. But since little, I knew how wrong this system and teaching is. I was lucky to have met super teachers along my life, who just by being themselves, taught me so much. There were real teachers such as Mr. Eickhoff, Mrs. Abernethy, Mr. Vilimek, Mr, Storck, Mrs. Eder and many others, who’s names don’t come back that fast. There were life teachers, such as Benderpelz, Sarah, my first boyfriend Sascha, Goethe (even if dead), Angie, Jasmin, Nobi, Verena La Mela, Mrs. Mittler, my Sweetheart and many others I just can’t remember that fast.

Even before having studied ethics, religion or philosophy the concepts of life were simply clear, just like, when you let qa child be a child and treat it well, it just might find out itself about right and wrong. So, sometimes I am criticized a bit for not being competitive enough. And then always this memory of my first school competition was in my mind and I still think I reacted right.

We were eight years old and supposed to run our first kilometer on time. I was much taller than the other girls, so I started and there I ran in the first place. But I found it so boring to be there in the first place and when I looked around I saw this girl (this is a true story) who had real difficulties and was struggling to run. Of course, it is sad that a seven year old kid is overweight because at that age you should be more outside than inside. Anyway! i saw this girl and I wanted to start a friendship. I started falling back until I reached her and then I automatically started motivating her, what the teacher should have actually done, right? We both ended up being last, but she made her first kilometer. That was so important to me. I really did not understand why the teacher criticised me for a second for letting go. And I am in this struggle between what the world wants me to do and what I believe is right, and as many other this struggle simply will go on until the end of this life.

The girl I helped, went to another class, and our friendship only lasted those eight minutes. Now I wonder, whether she remembers this story, too.

Oh, what has it got to do with money? It’s all got to do with money!

Kika

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