You learn

Observations

Learning is permanent. It is a way of obstacles the deeper we get into something. I have learned so much about human beings in the past year and my path continues. It is unimaginable how complex, similar and still different people are. Some aspects you can group and still each one is a unique set of characteristics.

I guess, I am becoming smarter when it comes to people while still maintaining my positive view on the world and them. I know that each of us has to work on our own stuff, our character and that everybody, if motivated, can become a better version of themselves.

My life in Berlin has calm and intense phases. I don’t go out much anymore to meet new people but I invest more time in the people I know. That feels good and strengthens our bonds.

Friends are extremely important when it comes to our development. Learning to open up, to share information will show you that most people have something to add to your story that might move you forward. Usually this is the case with me. I love the people who get close to me and I am accepting the time life gives us for the past 3 decades, never expecting more than is there.

One of the things I am working on, is to look into the future. This is very difficult for me. I unlearned to think far ahead, to have objectives and even worse, to have dreams. So, it starts with those little dreams. Like the one I wrote about, to pass next winter working in a warm part of the world. And I mention this frequently in front of friends and acquaintances and it becomes more real. All the rest though are mere ideas, sometimes just wishes, sometimes visions I can’t fully grasp.

My mother told me that it was important to have dreams, otherwise you won’t move in life to achieve something. Now, I need to figure out how to define wishes or goals that make sense to me. The last poem reflects a bit this difficulty. I am such a happy single and enjoy being me and learning. But shouldn’t I take care as well? I might get lost along the track, along the years and I see women seeking for something serious while I at my age just live my life. Do I want another serious relationship? Do I want to have children? A shy voice in me says yes, but I don’t want to ever give up on my freedom of choice again.

The freedom of choice is an essence of life, what makes me being me. I am aware of life passing, I have always been. As a five year old I was philosophizing about what consciousness would be like after death.  But the way I deal with this sure end of my physical and conscious being, changes. I am not sad about it anymore. I start preparing for something that will happen hopefully only in decades from now. It makes me live truer and thus more satisfied. Bit by bit. But what again is it with long term goals? How much sense do they make? That is what I have to figure out and learn to balance.

Good night world!

aerial photo of mountain surrounded by fog

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Thank you 2019

Just Me

2019 is a strange number! Yet I adapted to it very fast. It is also the Chinese Year of the pig, and to summarize the little lazy pig, it still means money. I guess, this is true for many farmers nowadays, too. Well! I will repeat the exercise I did last year about 2018 and imagine that I am writing this post on January 1st of 2020.

2019! You have been wonderful! I had a rich year in experience, learning, travels and friendships. It was incredibly fulfilling.

I had several trips that lead me to different places in the world, starting with Morocco, the Bosnian country side, one other amazing place on another continent, and the most amazing trip of all, which I did in April. My good friend and literature colleague and I went up to the state of Acre in Brazil to live with an Amerindian tribe for two weeks. The people were very receptive and Juan and me produced a lot of poems and collected material for his story telling events. Also we were lucky to have been invited to a traditional Ayahuasca ceremony, which was not only beautiful, but very enlightening. What I learned from that experience was, that I am fine the way I am, that I do not have to try to be someone else and that if I only relax a bit more in life, I can see clearer and advance with my plans. In the end it is all about the true human connection. Since this experience I feel so much more self confident, secure and I can fully live my love for myself and the world. I would not say that my perspective on life has changed but it became clearer and surer.

I developed professionally a lot in the intercultural sector in Berlin and happily close the gap between Brazil, China and Germany in several areas related to immigration and adaption. I have enough clients, so it was possible for me to escape Berlin winter in November this year and I rented a place in Buenos Aires, where I am still now. It helps me to improve my Spanish and get a feeling for another great place in the world. It is a great experience for me! Just wonderful to get to know all those wonderful people. All in all, I gained financial independence, even though I had to be very patient the first months of the year. It all worked out for me and I am happy.

My literary works weren’t few this year. Besides the poetry volume I published with Juan on the lifestyle of the Huni Kuin, I also managed to create my first audio book with a wonderful Italian musician called Vito here in Berlin. We got great resonance and even had papers publishing articles on our collaboration. The audio book sells internationally pretty well for its aesthetic dimension. Another book I finished was the one on Berlin culture for Brazilians which is out and available to all the wonderful people who want to be prepared before moving over to the city.

In terms of love I am still open! I met amazing men and learned a lot from our encounters. My emotions are lively, I am open and I get into honest exchanges which bring growth to both sides. In 2020, there might actually be one person with whom I might get more serious. Opening up is easy, trusting someone again completely takes time but in 2020 I shall be ready to try again.

Thank you 2019! I am healthy, satisfied and self-confident!

 

fuck yeah

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