Pacing in the same spot for a long time

Observations

Image result for Atsuko Tanaka sand

Looks like my last post made the round and I have seen some people trying the Facebook diet. Suddenly you are much more aware of the overflow of information. But my topic today is another one.

“Pacing in the same spot for a long time! was what artist Atsuko Tanaka thought when she draw her circles into the sand of the beach on Awaji Island in the 60ies. And I guess we all can transfer this idea into our own lives. I feel like pacing at the same spot for a long time, like in many areas I am just not really moving forward and there are days where I am good with that because I see how everything is nothing but a mere construct we have all built up together but on some other days I miss someone giving me a challenge. Again on other days i feel like I am over challenging myself.

What seems to help is to go through my possessions and get rid of some of them. Gives me the feeling of a partly liberation because it is the attachment to things, people, places, moments and even ideas that keeps us from moving wherever we want to move.

I am going to donate some of my art books to the Japan House in Sao Paulo, so that some others can make sense out of them.

Kika

 

 

 

 

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Voices from the past

Creative

Just one of these nights

but rarer and rarer

Carmenére and green tea

You wish you could do the same

at this very moment

Just walk out

walk the streets

mix your feelings

let the memories come

but you live in the wrong city

you’re living in a secret prison

you’re being maybe a secret person

nights come and cover

and homes become cages

and wandering souls

only keep wandering in their own minds.

 

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Kika

_.-,´+#.

 

Photo by Aletha-YF

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Between Years – Between Worlds

Basic

Drinking coffee in the morning. Back to Sao Paulo. I am actually not a coffee person but throughout the years I drink it more and more.

2016 was an interesting year, difficult, rich, funny, moving forward in small steps. I have spent the last days of 2016 in Svib, Croatia, with my mother and grandmother. Even the father, who is a good friend of our family, was with us on New Year’s Eve. Oh! But I am not supposed to tell you that. He is worried about local gossip. And he is right because gossipping is a very common human trait, unfortunately.

I came back to Brazil two days ago and I am not really being myself. These two worlds, winter in Svib with my family, the place where I lived from the age of 1,5 years to when I was almost five, and Sao Paulo, the biggest city in Brazil, in South America, as the song from Caetano Veloso says. My husband made me a CD before we got together. This song was on it – the version interpreted by Mutantes. It was introducing my future. I am listening to it right now. How did life go?

During my trips, I always meet friends and family, somehow mostly different parts of my past and also present, since we keep in touch. With some people I see how they move forward and develop into a good direction. I also meet people who are imprisoned in their lives and ideals given by their society, by their surroundings.  I am a fan of simple lifestyle but on the other hand, when looking at those simple dreams, such as constructing a house for your family or looking forward to your retirement at the age of 65, I find it too few to be happy with.

I have also met a person whom I had completely misjudged before. A friend of my aunt’s. She seemed so calm and nice the first time we met. As I figured out by myself, she was recovering from a surgery by then and that was maybe the reason. When we met this time upon an invitation of hers, I found that she was very loud, hyperactive and nervous while spreading confusing ideas about the world. She originally comes from a simple family, got a college education in the sixties, which was still not common for women by then, and had a quite nice career, being actually a feminist of her time. Her second husband, with whom she lived, was also a very successful person, coming actually from a well-off family. In our conversations, he was generally very aware of things happening in his surrounding while she just spoke out loud the first thing that came to her mind, not realizing that she  was a bit insulting with her “well-intentioned” ideas every now and then.

Sometimes I just wonder about the friends my aunt had. Were they actually really helpful or were they faking it all? But sometimes we just take what we get when we are in need, I guess. Forming deep friendships also isn’t a strength in my family, at least when talking about the generation before mine. My grandma made sure that they would be all scared of talking to others, she herself being afraid of gossip in the village at the time.

Now we’re in 2017, a new year, a forced switch that gives us the chance to change something in our lives. I am not really sure what that means for me. 2017, what would I want? Time to be creative, less time to worry, more time with close friends, seeing my mum again, living together with my husband, maybe a dog. Bella, our dog in Svib, got kind of interested in hunting dogs. She is so beautiful. I hope she chooses a beautiful black , long furred mountain shepherd and not a silly boar hunter. Let’s see!

A hug to you all!

Kika

 

Why is it so difficult to be just nice?

Basic

Sometimes I really feel lost in this world and I really don’t understand why some people cross limits or are purposely mean? I am no angel either, but I have tried to work on myself since being a kid to become a friendly person. It does not mean that I am pampering all the people in my life but I try to make them feel good when we are together. When someone then comes into my life with a more drastic view on reality, I need a day to understand their words or behavior. I always try to see the best in a person and of all possible explanations possible, I choose to believe in the least mean one. Not guilty until proven!And then I fail to see the proofs. Recently one or two people have told me that I am pretty naive but I define it more as a need to be positive and to avoid judging someone wrongly. What shall I do with this world?

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Friends are treasures

Memories

You may change cities, jobs or even countries as I did. Sometimes we even change our partners and maybe even our gender. But friends are friends, they are there, they stay part of your life, if you want them to. Your biggest treasure. Friends are always there with an open ear. Recently I talked to some of my new friends and I am in touch again with some of my old friends, who I’ll visit soon, at least some of them.

This morning my students and me were talking about how to improve communication, how to be better listened to. Sometimes we talk to people who are against us for whatever reasons that might be. People probably gossip about you and judge you. Real friends though just listen and when they have something good to share with you, they will, but they will not impose their opinion on you. Facts are facts, opinions are opinions and hints are simply life experience.

Thank you my sweet friends, from all over this small wide wild world!

Kika

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Running out of time

Basic

The last three weeks I felt like I had time for nothing. As before, I was involved with many very different projects, of course some of them pure fun and unpaid, but still time consuming.

I figured out:

– Even when you are stressed because of the fact that the day only has 24 hours, you should try to do your work with pleasure. Having fun at work motivates also others and you get easier through a long day.

– Also I learned that many things in life sooner or later make sense. Stuff you once did and thought that you may have lost time, some day might turn out to be a useful skill in a new context.

– Another thing is age. Now time only walks ahead. I should take more care of my body but not get crazy about aging. For a married 35 year old woman with no kids, I still don’t look too bad. My skin has its spots and wrinkles when I smile, and it is time I accept them.

– Another topic then is purpose in life. I’ve been talking to my husband and friend about this topic recently. I think the general answer is, it is about helping other people to live better. Your generation and the next generation. It is not about us. Our time and means are limited, but since things have to end for us one day, we can invest our time and help others to have better lives. In return there are more happier people in our society, who do great things to re-contribute. That is the only possible sense in life. It is not simply about money, entertainment or having kids. It is about what you do for others, and this can bring you money, entertainment, and if you have the time and chance, also the kids.

A long weekend is coming! Next week I am taking some days off in order to finish my book project. It will also be very fine to wake up only at eight or nine in the morning.

Have a great weekend!

KIKA1

The photo of the day is a selfie I took yesterday! I drink more tea recently. Even when I go to work I try to nurture this new habit. My friend Lu has given me a wonderful Starbucks China Tea “Tumbler” (as Starbucks call it on their website). It is so much healthier to prepare your cup of green tea at home and take it to class instead of drinking all this bad coffee you are offered in many offices (sorry).